Intermission 5 and 14

In a men's bathroom
during intermission the back half becomes a food court.

A mother enters;
a moviegoer looks over stainless-steel urinals.

Unfortunately
many of the urinals are filled with boiling water

and black gelatin.
Day turns into night at the base of a green ziggurat.

A soccer circle
kicks a ball around. One player has two pointy elbows.

Bicycling away,
Stephen's vehicle transforms into a Jaguar roadster.

Another Jaguar
speeds down a winding mountain road with Stephen pursuing.

Descending into
a clockwise square spiral, the driver of the fleeing car

handsignals his turns.
At the bottom of the spiral is a spacious white room.

On first inspection,
besides gilded chair rails and moldings, there are no exits.

Furniture appears
softly as Steve susses to himself, "Satan's sitting room."

Another victim,
Teresa, stands. Two unlit tunnels materialize.

She mutters, "Stephen,
come sit in this room with me. There's a warm fireplace in here."

One last sideways glance
is Stephen's vision of an obsidian mannequin

silently groping
her terrified face, pulling her backwards to nothingness.

More doorways open
outward and Stephen moves through one purposefully to find

a bruised shirtless man
crying. Steve Martin, in the role of Navin R. Johnson,

wields a cardboard axe.
He slashes it at Stephen who says to the dangling man

tied to a dead tree,
"Steve Martin can't hurt me because his name doesn't match mine.

Nor Steven Spielberg."
Stephen finally hides in the top-floor concession stand

on a cargo ship.

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This intermission has been brought to you by the syllable counting game in Dr. Ryuta Kawashima's Brain Age!

Land Surfers

A bunch of college students drive into the desert in search or rocky and sandy dust bowls.

Greg has a roof-mounted skimboard rack. His special formulated wax allows he and his classmates to 'surf' on dry land, over rough terrain and even rocks.

Riding The Rails

Stunt riders perform acrobatic tricks on dangerously busy public transit routes.

Ashton Kutcher wears ski attire and rides a mountain bike along the monorail of the San Francisco Bay Area's BART system.

Onlookers from a nearby parking lot watch as Ashton pops a wheelie while riding on the rail, then falls off only to be caught up in guide wires. The BART train approaches.

Battle And A Convention

This week's Battle is a Pirate on Pirate Hunter affair and the Convention features Classic arcade video games.

Before the Pirate battle, there is a feast arranged in the banquet hall.

During the arcade game convention, Chris Ulm informs players that the Robotron: 2084 unit contains a modified chipset that plays an RPG version of the game.

Zach Braff Adventures

Dax Shepard impersonates Zach Braff in a myriad number of jack-ass style stunts.

One of them sees Dax at an acupuncturist. The technician intentionally waggles the needle before inserting it into Dax's arm to inflict excruciating pain.

While You Were Showering

A travelling salesman's wife accompanies him on every business trip. They hop from one Marriott hotel to another.

In today's episode, while his wife is showering, all of the locks and deadbolts in the (not-yet-upgraded-to-keycards) hotel are replaced. The salesman leaves for the proverbial bucket of ice and finds the door unresponsive when he returns.

Luckily, his time at a watch and jewelry repair counter in a department store helps him pick the lock with a filed-down allen wrench and paper clip.