Various objects meet the shotgun. In this show the shotgun always wins.
Fly meets shotgun: shotgun wins.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Deathwishes
Following a visit to the urologist and a routine phlebotomy (unrelated), I dreamt I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.
Variety columnist Army Archerd, hearing of my affliction, offered to donate his Ford F-100 pickup truck to me. His wish was that I study electrical engineering at UCLA but I knew that wasn't what I wanted.
To avoid talking about the subject, during a tour of his mansion, I walked briskly ahead of the group, hurrying to slide down the numerous mahogany-banistered slides that connected floors.
Variety columnist Army Archerd, hearing of my affliction, offered to donate his Ford F-100 pickup truck to me. His wish was that I study electrical engineering at UCLA but I knew that wasn't what I wanted.
To avoid talking about the subject, during a tour of his mansion, I walked briskly ahead of the group, hurrying to slide down the numerous mahogany-banistered slides that connected floors.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Bowling and Pokemon
My daughter was the first to bowl a strike in lane 13.
I caught two "shiny" Zubat in a row.
The next Pokemon I caught was named "MANASSA".
I caught two "shiny" Zubat in a row.
The next Pokemon I caught was named "MANASSA".
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Stranded in Sweden
It all started with a long-distance phone call. The person on the other end was clearly speaking a language that I didn't understand (German?) but somehow I did understand.
I woke up later in the office (really a room next to a high school gymnasium, linoleum floors and all) where a software engineer was describing his problem to me. He spoke Swedish (I learned later) and I responded in English and yet we both were able to discuss the problem of modifying his system of text-delimited fields to accomodate graphical input.
I strolled through the gym after our meeting, then outside where children were swimming in a community pool.
Knowing I needed to return to the airport, but not which way to proceed, I wandered down a street on the sidewalk and decided to phone my contact in the US, Fard Muhammad. I asked him to look up directions to the airport, complaining that it was beginning to get dark. He said he'd call me right back as I opened an extremely narrow door set into a wall. It turned out that I couldn't fit through the door wearing my backpack and since I was on the phone, I decided to go around it. It also turns out that it wasn't beginning to get dark at all, just a quickly moving black bank of clouds passing by.
I had to find a bathroom and doffed my backpack, setting it down on the sidewalk outside a women's lavatory. As I entered the men's room my phone rang. I flipped it open. Instead of hearing Fard's voice, I saw about twenty pictures of slot machines that he had taken on a recent trip to Las Vegas.
I cursed him as I snapped the phone shut, used the urinal and washed my hands. My backpack was still sitting on the sidewalk when I returned for it.
Next door to the bathrooms was an arcade; of course I had to check it out. They had a strange Dance Dance Revolution clone (I couldn't make out the title on the marquee) and I could hear the familiar sounds of Defender echoing from a far corner.
Just then I realized I could search my Recently Dialed list for American Airlines and book a flight home and get a taxi to the airport.
It was 11PM
I woke up later in the office (really a room next to a high school gymnasium, linoleum floors and all) where a software engineer was describing his problem to me. He spoke Swedish (I learned later) and I responded in English and yet we both were able to discuss the problem of modifying his system of text-delimited fields to accomodate graphical input.
I strolled through the gym after our meeting, then outside where children were swimming in a community pool.
Knowing I needed to return to the airport, but not which way to proceed, I wandered down a street on the sidewalk and decided to phone my contact in the US, Fard Muhammad. I asked him to look up directions to the airport, complaining that it was beginning to get dark. He said he'd call me right back as I opened an extremely narrow door set into a wall. It turned out that I couldn't fit through the door wearing my backpack and since I was on the phone, I decided to go around it. It also turns out that it wasn't beginning to get dark at all, just a quickly moving black bank of clouds passing by.
I had to find a bathroom and doffed my backpack, setting it down on the sidewalk outside a women's lavatory. As I entered the men's room my phone rang. I flipped it open. Instead of hearing Fard's voice, I saw about twenty pictures of slot machines that he had taken on a recent trip to Las Vegas.
I cursed him as I snapped the phone shut, used the urinal and washed my hands. My backpack was still sitting on the sidewalk when I returned for it.
Next door to the bathrooms was an arcade; of course I had to check it out. They had a strange Dance Dance Revolution clone (I couldn't make out the title on the marquee) and I could hear the familiar sounds of Defender echoing from a far corner.
Just then I realized I could search my Recently Dialed list for American Airlines and book a flight home and get a taxi to the airport.
It was 11PM
Friday, October 9, 2009
Sitcom Musical
5:30 am PST
Each episode is comprised of a handful of short sequences choreographed and set to music.
Eric Johnson - Cliffs of Dover
It's lunchtime and Mark and Steve cross a parking lot on their way to a Mexican fast food restaurant at a strip mall.
As they stroll, the two coworkers recall their earlier activities of working in a Sim City 3000 3D modeling package to customize a Zoo headquarters skyscraper. The design is reminiscent of the Wisconsin Gas Company building in Milwaukee with its terraced facades; the two workers were busy converting the surrounding city streets into sprawling green parks.
Steve pulls some papers out of his khaki trousers and flips a red square - shuriken style - at Mark shouting, "Green square!" It turns out that the square piece of paper is actually colored blue, and is a game piece to a promotional sweepstakes game sponsored by Burger King, and is the match to a pair of blue game pieces Mark needs in order to redeem them for a toasted English muffin.
Mark decides to collect his prize and Steve continues into the Mexican food restaurant, tossing the remainder of his game pieces in a nearby trash receptacle, saying "I don't need this trash in my pocket."
Steve nods to an ex-coworker seated on a table between the restaurant's entrance and the ordering counter. Glancing at the menu, he mutters, "I don't need this trash in my body," then turns and leaves.
Lunchtime is over and Steve heads to his second job at a rival Mexican restaurant next door to the one he just left, and, spotting his coworker Andrew, launches into an impromptu game of 'feed the beast' in which Steve attempts to strangle Andrew.
Andrew spots Steve and bolts away in panic, flipping over a table to block a doorway. Steve leaps through the doorway and over the table and deftly grabs Andrew by the neck in one fluid catlike movement all at the beginning of the final riff at the 4-minute mark in the song.
Each episode is comprised of a handful of short sequences choreographed and set to music.
Eric Johnson - Cliffs of Dover
It's lunchtime and Mark and Steve cross a parking lot on their way to a Mexican fast food restaurant at a strip mall.
As they stroll, the two coworkers recall their earlier activities of working in a Sim City 3000 3D modeling package to customize a Zoo headquarters skyscraper. The design is reminiscent of the Wisconsin Gas Company building in Milwaukee with its terraced facades; the two workers were busy converting the surrounding city streets into sprawling green parks.
Steve pulls some papers out of his khaki trousers and flips a red square - shuriken style - at Mark shouting, "Green square!" It turns out that the square piece of paper is actually colored blue, and is a game piece to a promotional sweepstakes game sponsored by Burger King, and is the match to a pair of blue game pieces Mark needs in order to redeem them for a toasted English muffin.
Mark decides to collect his prize and Steve continues into the Mexican food restaurant, tossing the remainder of his game pieces in a nearby trash receptacle, saying "I don't need this trash in my pocket."
Steve nods to an ex-coworker seated on a table between the restaurant's entrance and the ordering counter. Glancing at the menu, he mutters, "I don't need this trash in my body," then turns and leaves.
Lunchtime is over and Steve heads to his second job at a rival Mexican restaurant next door to the one he just left, and, spotting his coworker Andrew, launches into an impromptu game of 'feed the beast' in which Steve attempts to strangle Andrew.
Andrew spots Steve and bolts away in panic, flipping over a table to block a doorway. Steve leaps through the doorway and over the table and deftly grabs Andrew by the neck in one fluid catlike movement all at the beginning of the final riff at the 4-minute mark in the song.
Monday, October 5, 2009
After Closing
I wanted to settle our bill late last night at Las Palmas.
I pointed up the stairs to where we had been sitting - two small tables pushed together next to a balcony door.
I heard the cashier mutter and saw her point towards the banister, asking who would pay for the 'renter'.
I looked and saw a sleeping bag, a black shirt, and some paper plates jumbled together in a heap beside the stairs.
I asked the cashier who she thought was staying there from our party.
"Juanes," she said.
I pointed up the stairs to where we had been sitting - two small tables pushed together next to a balcony door.
I heard the cashier mutter and saw her point towards the banister, asking who would pay for the 'renter'.
I looked and saw a sleeping bag, a black shirt, and some paper plates jumbled together in a heap beside the stairs.
I asked the cashier who she thought was staying there from our party.
"Juanes," she said.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
One-sided Phone Conversations
"What the hell's going on? When did we pick Kate Beckinsale to play Samus?"
"What happened to Rose McGowan?"
"I didn't get any meeting invites or emails on this! It would've been nice to tell me!"
"Well we're all very sorry Rex left, but wake up and make some decisions already!"
"Fine. OK."
"What?"
"Today? Now?"
"OK could you please at least send me the new dialog?"
"Yes, now!"
"When did all this change?"
"Who said?"
"You know what? Forget it. It doesn't matter anymore. Just shut up, get the hell out of my way and let me make this game!"
(100th show celibration)
"What happened to Rose McGowan?"
"I didn't get any meeting invites or emails on this! It would've been nice to tell me!"
"Well we're all very sorry Rex left, but wake up and make some decisions already!"
"Fine. OK."
"What?"
"Today? Now?"
"OK could you please at least send me the new dialog?"
"Yes, now!"
"When did all this change?"
"Who said?"
"You know what? Forget it. It doesn't matter anymore. Just shut up, get the hell out of my way and let me make this game!"
(100th show celibration)
Friday, October 2, 2009
Friday Night Dualism / I'm asleep
How To Win Friends And Influence People / Making people scared won't get you very far.
The Band meeting / The Smoke Break
---
In a driveway in Wichita, Kansas / In a green field in Edinburgh, Scotland
a lead guitarist, / an ROTC dropout,
rhythm guitarist, / hairdresser,
bass guitarist, / astrophysicist,
mandolin player, / roadie,
and a keyboardist / and a numismatist
discuss their next gig's song list. / discuss tomorrow night's D&D session.
Dinner / Political Positioning
---
At a round table in Round Table / At a rectangular table in Sirius Black's dining room
a CEO, / a Doctor Who fan,
Lead Engineer, / Goalkeeper,
and a Lead Designer / and a Parasail instructor
catch up on their careers in the video game industry. / play an electroshock party game.
The Raid / Easter egg hunt
---
At the bottom of an exterior wall inside an unfinished spare room made from a cardboard refrigerator box/ In the grass
granite spheres / dinosaur eggs
were stolen. / were moved.
The Band meeting / The Smoke Break
---
In a driveway in Wichita, Kansas / In a green field in Edinburgh, Scotland
a lead guitarist, / an ROTC dropout,
rhythm guitarist, / hairdresser,
bass guitarist, / astrophysicist,
mandolin player, / roadie,
and a keyboardist / and a numismatist
discuss their next gig's song list. / discuss tomorrow night's D&D session.
Dinner / Political Positioning
---
At a round table in Round Table / At a rectangular table in Sirius Black's dining room
a CEO, / a Doctor Who fan,
Lead Engineer, / Goalkeeper,
and a Lead Designer / and a Parasail instructor
catch up on their careers in the video game industry. / play an electroshock party game.
The Raid / Easter egg hunt
---
At the bottom of an exterior wall inside an unfinished spare room made from a cardboard refrigerator box/ In the grass
granite spheres / dinosaur eggs
were stolen. / were moved.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Inventions
Part 1: Mercedes Benz 2010 Green Metal (with simulated woodgrain finish) Motorized Office Chair!
A lab assistant demonstrates the new model for 2010 while a narrator provides details about the engineering behind the vehicle:
- Sits inside the development office
- Walks down a corridor
- Rides an elevator to the lobby
- Exits the building
- Arrives at the entrance to the parking garage
- Swipes an identification card across a proximity panel
- Ducks underneath the opening metal accordion door
- Introduces the Motorized Office Chair (MOC)
- Boards the MOC
- Fastens the safety harness
- Dons an open-face motorcycle helmet
- Grasps both armrests
- Coaxes the MOC forward and out of the parking garage
The MOC features a 3hp electric motor and batteries underneath the seat. A complex transmission drives each of the four wheels independently. The central spindle is on a gyroscope which automatically leans against centripetal forces when braking, accelerating and cornering. Throttle, brake, and signaling controls are contained in the front of the armrests as integrated motorcycle handles.
Part 2: Shenanigans!
An extreme sports superstar demonstrates a new extreme sports apparatus called Shenanigans while a narrator provides details about the engineering behind the device.
- Opens a small briefcase
- Unfolds what appear to be a pair of jumbled steel rods
- Locks pieces into place
- Holds up the pair of oblong bent steel parts
- Straps the Shenanigans on his feet
- Stands upright on the apparatus
- Jumps, kicks, spins and twirls
- Grabs the steel rods
- Skates across a concrete courtyard
- Jumps and slides effortlessly down a stone staircase
The Shenanigans prototype started as a pair of bent paper clips. The inventor scaled up the original prototype and made each piece collapsible.
A lab assistant demonstrates the new model for 2010 while a narrator provides details about the engineering behind the vehicle:
- Sits inside the development office
- Walks down a corridor
- Rides an elevator to the lobby
- Exits the building
- Arrives at the entrance to the parking garage
- Swipes an identification card across a proximity panel
- Ducks underneath the opening metal accordion door
- Introduces the Motorized Office Chair (MOC)
- Boards the MOC
- Fastens the safety harness
- Dons an open-face motorcycle helmet
- Grasps both armrests
- Coaxes the MOC forward and out of the parking garage
The MOC features a 3hp electric motor and batteries underneath the seat. A complex transmission drives each of the four wheels independently. The central spindle is on a gyroscope which automatically leans against centripetal forces when braking, accelerating and cornering. Throttle, brake, and signaling controls are contained in the front of the armrests as integrated motorcycle handles.
Part 2: Shenanigans!
An extreme sports superstar demonstrates a new extreme sports apparatus called Shenanigans while a narrator provides details about the engineering behind the device.
- Opens a small briefcase
- Unfolds what appear to be a pair of jumbled steel rods
- Locks pieces into place
- Holds up the pair of oblong bent steel parts
- Straps the Shenanigans on his feet
- Stands upright on the apparatus
- Jumps, kicks, spins and twirls
- Grabs the steel rods
- Skates across a concrete courtyard
- Jumps and slides effortlessly down a stone staircase
The Shenanigans prototype started as a pair of bent paper clips. The inventor scaled up the original prototype and made each piece collapsible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)